Yesterday, I was down and sad and bitter and all….because of something I saw, which reminded of me of something I lost.
Then early today, when I woke up, I prayed and then — it was like a EUREKA moment — or maybe it was God’s voice — or maybe it’s that thing they say about sleeping through something etc etc then when you wake up you have a clearer mind — whatever.
Well, the point is, when I woke up and after I prayed, I realized something that made me feel better — so much better — and it was this:
Why was I so sad and distracted about someone who doesn’t really deserve my time and feelings and efforts etc etc… He is a:
1. LIAR – big time, straight to the face, no conscience liar
2. DISRESPECTFUL – he was never the ladies man. I can’t discuss here the “disrespectful” things he has done to me even when he was still my boyfriend. Sadly, I was too in love to notice it then.
3. UNFAITHFUL – damn it. I have good reason to believe that he started ef-u-see-kay-ing that B*tch-of-a-cousin of his 1 week after we got married, and lied to me about it for several months; hiding in the fact that in this parts of the world, first degree cousins don’t ef-u-see-kay each other. tsk
4. MATERIALISTIC overly AMBITIOUS son of a (female dog) – there’s nothing wrong with dreaming for a sports car, but not before you actually buy your own family with a house they can live in.
5. NIGHT LIFE LOVER – oh well, when you started fighting with your spouse because he/she wants to go to bars as if he/she were a single individual and just tells you to calm down and make no comments/violent reactions about such activities, because all he does is drink and dance and no “extra curricular” activities take place….nah…you’re doomed.
So there, I was reminded of the kind of person I was being sad about. And I realized, he’s not worth it. Not at all. That 40ish woman (though very pretty and very rich) and him deserve each other. I really really wish that they don’t ever get separated. I really wish he grows old with her. By the time he is 40, she is 50. And by the time he is 50, she is 60. Well, she’s rich so she can afford whatever technology has to offer to make her look younger. Good luck with that. 🙂
I don’t expect to meet another man who will sweep me off my feet and make me forget that once in my life I was broken and made to feel like a total fool. No I don’t. But I do dream (day dream) for a guy who might be kind enough to love my son and be a father figure for him. Dreams are free. 🙂