Today’s Thoughts

Learning to trust again…though there is a lot of fear that comes with it.

Letting go of the bitterness…and just embracing the beauty that is life.

Praying for a peaceful mind and a calm soul.

Knowing that there is in every cloud a silver lining.

🙂

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Another Dream Come True

I have been wanting to buy a new camera with better lens. But since I have been living in this small town with no good stores for those techie things…I kept putting it off. Then one of my friends told me he was coming home for the holidays, so I begged him to drop by one of the stores in the mall and buy me this:

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Sony alpha NEX-5T

And true enough, earlier today it arrived! This mama is super duper happy!

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*speechless*

 

 

 

There is indeed HOPE

Yesterday, I was down and sad and bitter and all….because of something I saw, which reminded of me of something I lost.

Then early today, when I woke up, I prayed and then — it was like a EUREKA moment — or maybe it was God’s voice — or maybe it’s that thing they say about sleeping through something etc etc then when you wake up you have a clearer mind — whatever.

Whatever.

Well, the point is, when I woke up and after I prayed, I realized something that made me feel better — so much better — and it was this:

Why was I so sad and distracted about someone who doesn’t really deserve my time and feelings and efforts etc etc… He is a:

1. LIAR – big time, straight to the face, no conscience liar

2. DISRESPECTFUL – he was never the ladies man. I can’t discuss here the “disrespectful” things he has done to me even when he was still my boyfriend. Sadly, I was too in love to notice it then.

3. UNFAITHFUL – damn it. I have good reason to believe that he started ef-u-see-kay-ing that B*tch-of-a-cousin of his 1 week after we got married, and lied to me about it for several months; hiding in the fact that in this parts of the world, first degree cousins don’t ef-u-see-kay each other. tsk

4. MATERIALISTIC overly AMBITIOUS son of a (female dog) – there’s nothing wrong with dreaming for a sports car, but not before you actually buy your own family with a house they can live in.

5. NIGHT LIFE LOVER – oh well, when you started fighting with your spouse because he/she wants to go to bars as if he/she were a single individual and just tells you to calm down and make no comments/violent reactions about such activities, because all he does is drink and dance and no “extra curricular” activities take place….nah…you’re doomed.

 

So there, I was reminded of the kind of person I was being sad about. And I realized, he’s not worth it. Not at all. That 40ish woman (though very pretty and very rich) and him deserve each other. I really really wish that they don’t ever get separated. I really wish he grows old with her. By the time he is 40, she is 50. And by the time he is 50, she is 60. Well, she’s rich so she can afford whatever technology has to offer to make her look younger. Good luck with that. 🙂

I don’t expect to meet another man who will sweep me off my feet and make me forget that once in my life I was broken and made to feel like a total fool. No I don’t. But I do dream (day dream) for a guy who might be kind enough to love my son and be a father figure for him. Dreams are free. 🙂

Shining Shimmering Splendid Skirt: Check!

Remember this (from my previous post?):

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Well, I got me some of those shining shimmering thingies…Oh, I love it!Image

It may be a cheaper version of my dream skirt, but I love it still. I don’t need expensive, both will look good on me. Hahahaha!

But I can’t seem to find anything in my closet for the top to match it. Oh well, I need to wait for it. It will come. 🙂

“Good things come to those who wait.” 🙂

(Oh, please excuse my giddy girly self. Even single moms have the right to be girly and pretty. 🙂 )

 

This, too, shall pass.

For some reason, I did what I have vowed not to do again – check on their facebook accounts. I honestly didn’t mean to. I just “accidentally” stumbled into her account, and then I discovered that she has a “new” account, and there…she posts their pictures together. Or at least, the ones viewable by the public are “edited” to the point where silhouettes/almost silhouettes are visible. But it’s them. And his brothers and sisters “like” their pictures. It’s gross. Very gross. They are a weird family with really loose values.

Money and financial gain are probably the most important to them. Or it could be that their parents just haven’t raised them into…..I don’t know!!!!! I DON’T WANT TO CARE WHY THEY’RE A MESSED UP KIND OF PEOPLE. I just wish it’s not something genetic because I don’t want my son to have what they have. GRRRRRRR.

Whew.

It still hurts. Bad. I know it I don’t love him anymore. But the feeling of rejection is still here. Stings.

One of my friends have told me that I must be honest with myself regarding my feelings. And this is how I feel. Betrayed. Angry. Grossed out. I may hate them, maybe.

But, on the other hand…I know that this will end. I feel the hope somewhere like a tiny ray of light. I feel that I am not doomed to be in this situation forever.

God is good. And I have hope. 🙂