My mom is having dizziness and headaches lately. It breaks my heart to see the woman I have always looked up to as my protector appear so weak and helpless.Somehow, I am not sure what meds to give or what to do.
When I was young, I used to have fears about my mom dying (knock on wood) or getting seriously hurt in any way. I would pray and pray that nothing of the sort would happen. As I grew older and my world started to expand, I became busy with school, friends, relationships, etc…those times I seldom talk to my mom or seldom think about these “scary” things. Then some years ago she needed to have a major operation on her uterus. At that time I was already in my 4th year of medical school and have several times assisted in the same kind of operation (which I have always thought then as routine and simple). Yet, as I waited in the visitors area, I was again so scared…so very scared…that something wrong might happen and that my mom would leave us. Every 30 minutes I would ask for updates; I think I annoyed the staff nurses.
That operation went well. No post op complications or anything. But it was then that I noticed that she isn’t getting any younger. And it dawned on me that death is something that is inevitable. I was again afraid.
Now, after all the major major bad things that has happened, I cling to my mom like a little girl once more. She is my rock. She is my strength. And though I understand the importance of self reliance, I just want to be her little girl again. So her getting sick is a major booboo for the little girl in me.
It’s hard being the doctor when it’s a family member who gets sick –not just my mom. Somehow, my medical judgment always gets clouded a bit. So, I add a little prayer to my medical decisions, so that they don’t fail me making my loved ones well again. 🙂