And It Gets Complicated

Okay, the banker and I are getting to know each other. Obviously, he wants to court me, but I have made it perfectly clear to him that we can’t be more than just friends. So, he says, he’s okay with friends.

And because my still-married status is becoming more glaring to me…I don’t allow us to eat out without a “chaperone”. I can already imagine my ex accusing me of adultery (although it would take more than just dinners and dates for him to actually file a case against me). It’s just that I don’t want any more scandal and rumors and accusations… I just want to be happy.

So, here…I find myself starting to like him. Demit. I know I shouldn’t let myself get too involved emotionally. Especially not when it’s still so complicated. But, what with the loneliness in this small town…and friends are scarce… Sigh.

And so it gets complicated…for me..emotionally. He is always there–in my mind and in my phone–and I don’t think I want to remove him from either of those areas yet. And of course, ex husband will arrive next month, and surely there will be more emotional struggles to come between the two of us (we separated angry at each other last year), plus the issue of the child support and visitations.

I have always been told to be an intelligent girl…honor student, bookworm, doctor… But when it comes to love and relationships….damn it, I think I am such a failure. 😦

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